The project on centering--coming into greater attunement with the divine spirit within (or however one may choose to interpret that experience-and-reality)--showed an unusually high number of non-religious students who began the project, persevered through difficulties, and experienced a remarkable breakthrough. There were also some productive hybrid adaptations of the projects as Christian students layered in more explicit bonds with their commitments. This was the first project for Comparative Religious Thought I, Fall 2009.
The first type of result is illustrated in this report by Kelsey Boyd and, next, by Alison Kluge.
Spiritual Centering and Diligent Studying
Prior to beginning this project, I found myself to be a bit apprehensive in the possibility of a true, personal experience. As I am not a practicing individual of any religion, I found myself concerned as to whether I could perform this correctly. After setting aside my initial concerns regarding my spirituality, I began to immense myself in the project. I read and reread the guidelines as to ensure I held a proper understanding of what was to take place. After finding my position of comfort and taking moments to clear my head, I began to focus on my chosen word of “stillness”, which somehow called to me.
In my first experience with prayer, I found it difficult to keep my mind from wandering and even to stay fully alert. After about twenty minutes of this struggle, I left the prayer with disappointment and slight frustration. The same experience continued in my next attempt. I had considered the possibility of changing my sacred word, but did not want to hinder my progress any farther. Not only that, but as I had mentioned before, there seemed to be something powerful and attractive about my chosen word, and my heart could not allow the change.
After about three days of this, I finally came across, what I believed to be a personal success/victory. While at this point, I cannot describe an adequate religious experience, I did discover a sense of calm and focus unknown to me in my fourth attempt. This focus continued to steadily increase in following attempts, with the occasional speed bump of my daily thoughts. The type of focus I began to acquire in the next few weeks are what led to my success in the second part of this project: diligent studying.
While admittedly, I had been dedicating more time to the first aspect of the project (as I knew it would be quite the struggle), the second part did not remain unpracticed. I began to comprehend that both parts of the project are interrelated, and that in order to gain a full experience of one, I must diligently follow the other. I believe that one of the greatest elements of this project, and by far the most beneficial, was my new found ability to remain calm in times of frustration and misunderstanding. As this occurs so often in late nights of studying, I found myself more capable to cope with these frustrations and elongate my periods of studying with no added stress.
Returning to the first portion of the project; spiritual centering, I still found myself aching to experience something more. I wanted something real, something startling; something that I felt could shake me to my core. With weeks of nothing to that extent, I began to question if maybe my high hopes were hindering my progress, and perhaps I needed to abandon the idea of something all powerful in order to achieve, well, something powerful. From that point on, I began to just work with what I had acquired thus far.
Finally, I am quite excited to report, that in my final week of the project, I experienced something greater. I can recall that it was the date of September 21, that I sat down to do my prayer, and unexpectedly felt something bigger than what had I had produced over the previous weeks. While I will not say that it was a religious experience or calling, it was a sense of absolute calm that was almost unbearable. While that may seem contradictory, how often do we, as individuals in this society truly experience “calm”? How often do we feel our bodies drained so completely of stress that we are brought to tears by the relief of it all? Which is why I describe the experience I had as blissfully unbearable. Never have I felt so at ease or so at peace with my surroundings.
I am sorry to say that after that experience, I held nothing similar to it in the days that followed, which somehow, leads me to believe the experience more profound than I realized. I will add that after this small success, I have made it a personal goal to continue with the prayer, not even in a religious manner, but as to continue the sense of calm and focus I have acquired in these previous weeks. At the moment, and for the weeks to come, I will continue to focus on this progress and my pace as a non-religious individual, and not to hold out for an epiphany.
Commentary
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“Do not become a coward, Arjuna. This is not suitable to you. Abandoning base faintheartedness, stand up, Arjuna!” (Chapter 2, verse 3) These words are in reference to Krishna chastising Arjuna for his cowardly lack of faith and questioning. While the comparison I would like to make seems like a far stretch, I felt as though this could be compared to my thoughts and feelings in the start of this project. I found myself hesitant, scared, and at some points, a little angry. I do not practice religion, why should I be asked to for a class? However, I came to understand that “practicing and prayer” were not required from me, nor was the need to fret over a lack of a religious epiphany.
“Performing action in the body alone, without wish, restrained in thought and self, with all motives of acquisition abandoned, he incurs no evil.” (Chapter 4, verse 21) This quote truly spoke to me as it is the perfect representation of my experience from this project. At that point, I was praying with only my body. I had released my mind from the tension of expectations, and had stopped restraining myself with thoughts. I finally gained the experience I desired by casting aside all motives and letting myself become captivated by what had become habit.
I am not a spiritual or religious person. I was raised in the Catholic Church, but gradually lost faith in a religion that I felt was pressed upon me. I no longer felt ‘closeness’ to God. It seemed to me that Catholicism was a religion based on forgiveness and church attendance every Sunday. I felt like my particular parish had become superficial and materialistic. At the age of fifteen, I stopped believing in it all together. However, just because I am not a spiritual or religious person, does not mean I was not open to this project.
True to myself, I did not start the project right away. I was quite confused for the first week or two. I caught up on the reading and started my centering prayer at the very end of the second week. That first time, I was perplexed as to what sacred word I would assign myself to use. I thought about what I was trying to accomplish with this class and with going to Kent State in general. I decided to try the word ‘knowledge’. I lay on my back on the floor of my bedroom and closed my eyes. As my body started to relax, I attempted to clear my mind of all thoughts and focus on the word ‘knowledge’. I pictured the word ‘knowledge’ in big, bold, white, capitalized letters in the darkness behind my eyelids. I was able to keep this steady sort of focus for maybe four or five minutes before I felt my body starting to twitch. I’d have an itch on my nose or an involuntary slight jerk of my arm, thus distracting me.
So I adjusted myself, and tried again. “Knowledge” I would think to myself and try and focus on the dark vastness. It was hard to let go of thoughts and body consciousness. I had to re-center my thoughts back to the sacred word and start over numerous times. Some time went by and I began to feel much more relaxed and at peace. Twenty-five minutes later, I realized I had fallen asleep. At this point, I remembered that if we fell asleep to attempt to continue centering prayer for a few more minutes after awakening. I thought about the sacred word for a few more minutes, before I got up and continued with my evening.
The rest of the week, I diligently centered prayer, once in the morning after coffee, and once early evening before dinner. I had similar experiences with what I had described above sometimes with the sleeping foot, but mostly without. At the end of the week, I physically felt much happier and focused to be quite honest. Particularly, I found that I was able to start working on schoolwork at my house, where previously I had found that I was easily distracted with the television and internet.
When fourth week began, I was unable to meditate that Monday morning, due to oversleeping. I went to class late, starting the day off not so great. On the drive home, I found myself looking forward to sitting cross legged on my floor. I did just that when I got home and found that this time it was even easier, I barely had to even refocus on the sacred word. The meditating proceeded almost flawlessly. I felt unwound and at complete ease. Throughout the week, I continued centering prayer, missing only one complete day. My days seemed brighter, my thoughts seemed crisp. It was towards the end of week, when I realized that not only should I be taking care of myself mentally and emotionally, but physically too.
I have been a smoker for three years now, and for 2/3s of that time I smoked a pack a day. It was only at the start of 2009, when I had decreased that amount. On one particular day in the fourth week of mediation, I realized while I was going up the stairs to class how out of breath I was. Believe it or not, four years ago, I could run seven miles without stopping at around 9 minutes a mile. I was a varsity soccer player and valued my athleticism, then I went to college for the first time (this is the second try). I hadn’t really thought about quitting smoking before that very moment. I believe that the physical awareness I experienced was thanks to the centering prayer and reading the texts, and it’s emphasis on physical and mental health.
The next day, I believe it was a Thursday, I decided to go running and I found that my body itself was fully capable of going to distance I wanted to go (three miles), but it was my lungs that restricted me. While I was running, I remembered why I did it so much and also, realized how similar it was to meditating. Running really is ‘mind over body’. One’s body might be aching, lungs having a hard time to get air, but if you think to yourself over and over “You can do this. Keep going!” it really does help immensely. I was able to finish the three miles, although slowly, I still accomplished that goal.
After running, I showered and sat on the floor of my bedroom. I folded my sore legs, and started centering prayer. Even though my body was obviously aching and my lungs felt like they could not inhale enough air, I found I was able to bypass all that physical pain, to focus on the darkness and felt immensely light and free of all being. I have kept with this routine of running and centering prayer and I am actually planning on running the Bowman 5k on October 10th. Even though I got a late start on the project, I truly feel like the past two and a half weeks have incredibly changed my outlook on myself, physically and mentally and I feel like this has only just begun.
“Let this, the dissolution of union with pain, be known as yoga; this yoga is to be practiced with determination and with an undismayed mind.” (23 Ch 6) I feel like I can relate this text from chapter six to my experience with my reunion with running and exercise. As I stated earlier, I believe that running takes a ‘mind over body’ mentality. The text is exemplifying this exact idea, becoming one with the pain, and then completely freeing oneself from the pain with total concentrated control. It liberates you from any thought of the pain and you have complete and total control over your body through your mind. This lack of discomfort makes you able to continue with whatever journey you are on, whether it is through running, school work, employment, or family problems.
“He whose self is unattached to external sensations, who finds happiness in the self, whose self is united with Brahman through yoga, reaches imperishable happiness.” (21 Ch 5) This final quote that I chose from the text sums up what is stated throughout the entire Bhagavad-Gita; one finds unending satisfaction through the disconnection of one’s physical and mental body. Once happiness is found inside oneself, one is connecting spiritually with the inner self. Yoga is the vessel which one aims for imperishable happiness and spiritual awareness. Through yoga (meditation) one can attain this pristine goal.
In this project I have not ‘found’ God (not that I believe s/he is hiding) and I have not had any profound or philosophic enlightenments. Yet, I have discovered parts of my personality and self that I have neglected for years and have gladly reunited with those missing links. This project has been a wonderful experience for me, and I truly believe that I would not have realized the harm I was doing to myself until it was too late, had it not been for this project. I have not changed my life in some divinely awesome way, but I have changed it in a very subtle and better way, and for this I am greatly thankful.
Jesus. Saying my sacred word makes my whole body relax, muscles in my neck and back release, everything stretches and releases. The feeling of relaxation comes to me even when I think of the sacred word. Centering was not always like this for me, in the beginning it was difficult to understand what was to be accomplished. I was not sure how to go about centering and how to get the most out of it. Throughout my experience I continued to have an open mind, I believe I put forth a lot of thought and effort. . . . The first few days doing this new approach were a little difficult at first, but eventually I ended up relaxing and was able to empty my mind. I was even relaxed well after my session. My days seemed to go smoother, I was less anxious about school work and my stress level went down.
On one particular day I noticed a difference, I had a quarrel with my father earlier on in the day. So, throughout the whole day I thought about this fight, all my energy went to my anger towards him. Centering that evening was a little harder than usual to start so I spent a little more time on the session. I did not let the thought of the argument enter my mind. Instead, I pictured different swirls of colors in my head and concentrated on breathing. I actually could feel my muscles releasing and my breathing getting steadier. When I was finished I was very relaxed, focused and could think more clearly. After a while, I thought out a compromise that I knew both my father and I would agree on. That night, I went to bed not feeling upset and was still relaxed.
Even though my centering sessions were going smoother and I was getting more out of them, I still felt that I could improve. I decided to try and bring God into centering. I am Catholic and go to church on occasion, but I do not consider myself an extremely religious person. Attending more church services was my first step. While in church I realized the feeling I get when I am in there, is the same sensation I get when I am centering myself, the feeling of almost total relaxation. After realizing this, it became easier to get into centering, but I still needed to bring God into it more. Deciding on needing a sacred word, I began to contemplate what would bring God and I closer together, what do I feel links us? I chose the word Jesus because even though God is in each of us he came down to Earth in the form of Jesus. This is easier for me to connect with him if I can picture him.
My first session using my sacred word, I was excited. I did not know if I would notice a big change in centering. The first few times I did not notice a difference, but as I went along I was centering faster than before. Also, I decided to add a little thought into my sessions. I would reflect on the Gospel I heard in church while picturing the swirls of colors that I usually do. I have not had a dramatic experience while centering, but I have felt, the only way I can describe it, a presence. I feel during my centering, that there is someone sitting next to me but also within me. I guess you could call it an “imaginary friend” that I have while I am centering. I think this is how I bring God into my sessions, seeing him as a person that is centering along with me and helping me stay centered at the same time.
I still feel that I have not concurred centering completely. I still have a lot of practice ahead of me. I do feel a change in me and I am starting to realize that centering is a way to calm yourself and get you refocused on what is important in life. I have found that I have more patience with family members. I have stopped leaving everything academically to the last minute and cramming the night before an exam. The best time for me to start homework or study is right after I am done centering because at that time I am the most focused and relaxed. This enables me to retain more information and keeps me focused longer on homework. I feel like a better person, I am more pessimistic than before. The art of centering has changed me in a lot of different ways, but being more involved in my religion is the best change. At the end of the day I feel like a better and a happier person.
“When he is attached neither to the objects of the sense nor to actions, and renounced all purpose, he is then said to have attained yoga.” (Gita: chapter 6, verse 4). Even now it is still a little difficult for me to completely forget my surroundings and what is going on in my life. The day that I fought with my father was the hardest time I had trying to forget it and focus. I was so on edge that day that the slightest sound would throw my concentration off. I was determined to get centered so I kept trying. I knew I could not center myself with this on my mind. In the end, I was able to forget everything and get centered. I ended up resolving the argument and eliminating my stress.
“The purer I try to become the nearer to God I feel myself to be.” (Thoughts on Religion by Mohandas Gandhi). After bringing God into my centering, I feel closer to him. Every effort I make to get closer to God is rewarded. I feel a little more weight taken off my back. During my centering I feel God there centering with me and guiding me. Going to church more is not such a hassle; I enjoy waking up early and attending service. The way I feel after centering is indescribable. I feel relaxed and focused but also, I feel refreshed.
One student, who wishes to remain anonymous, had struggled for ten years with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Anorexia, and depression. “I decided that if I achieve being content with myself, that is a harmony of mind, body, and soul, and if I achieve self-confidence and happiness with who I am, then I could ultimately spread that to others, benefitting the society and my personal happiness all at the same time. . . . One thing that is keeping me from happiness is worrying about the future. To start this assignment, I forced myself to become aware of the fact that if it were not for right now, there would be no future. The future does not yet exist, but right now is real. . . . [In efforts to meditate, after relaxing the muscles and paying attention to breathing, and using the word “peace,” ] I try to feel peace in my body, mind, and soul, each part a component to a harmonious whole. Eventually I fall asleep, actually quite peacefully. I sleep through the night, only waking up once, when usually it would be four or five times a night. . . . [On a further occasion,] I silently repeated a few phrases to become one with God, nature, and my ultimate wonderfulness within: “I am with God, and God is with me”; “I am a worthy soul of the earth”; “Peace is in my mind, body, and soul.” . . . I felt my mind was free of unnecessary worry and that I could organize my thoughts and work diligently without being distracted or fell like I had to reach through a cloud, not seeing what I was doing. For the first time, it was easy to do my school work. I felt like it was really in me to do well.”
Finding One's Wonderfulness Within
Ryan Ray
“I am supposed to use cleansing prayer and conscious breathing to find my inner self,” I think to myself. Well, being an atheist in this assignment is not the most comforting notion. However, my interest in world religion and how it drives people compels me to a sincere effort to find something special.
My first try at cleansing prayer is awful. I think of how ridiculous it is to try and find something inside myself, an indwelling spiritual self. I think of math, how logical and steady its creators made it. How can there be a spirit? It does not make sense. One may believe in fate, or destiny, but I believe in consequences to one’s own choices. Yet, I continue different approaches to a realization.
Still, after trying to focus on one word, I just think of how fatigued I may be, or wondering if the Cleveland Cavaliers will win this year, or if Taylor Swift will perform well at her concert I am going to. Nothing seems to work to the purpose of finding my Self. However, I try once again.
I confide in nature. Nature is the one thing that has always been here, and will continue to be here. So, if there is a spirit, nature would know how to find it. I imagine a forest, a lush green myriad of species/organisms. I feel like I did in psychology class, where my teacher would give us a ten-minute relaxation period every Friday. This is what I would imagine. I feel completely relaxed. I imagine small Pin Oak leaves falling to the ground, a fallen hollow tree stump, small sticks covering the ground before a small creek. It is beautiful, it is perfect. It has been twenty-five minutes and so ends my conscious breathing period, but know I may be on the right track.
When I close my eyes and begin my conscious breathing, nature is the one calming presence, fixation. I think about how such beauty, serenity, and the yoga present in nature can be so symmetrical. How does something so steady, true, pervading come to be? I realize quickly that I, myself, am part of this symmetry. Every being is subject/belongs to this perfect nature. If I realize this perfect harmony in nature, than it must be present in me, being a part of nature. The realization begins to flow faster that I am part of nature. I begin to feel like a great, timeless oak tree. There are no emotions, no happiness, and no anger. There is life, there is purpose, there is the duty that transcends our own nature. I look past the bark of the tree, into the heart. In this tree there is a spirit, a soul, a perfect representation of the yoga in nature. It’s quite astounding, how it all fits together, perfection. I become as the tree, become the representation of equanimity. My feet and legs become roots, my torso the trunk and my arms become the waving limbs. I embrace the life, the vigor that flows forth. I am content beyond the nature of content knowing that inside myself I contain the same perfection as nature. This yoga of my body, my life, is thus connected to the yoga of my mind. Mind and body, normally connected through biology and psychology, are now connected in yoga. Bliss begins to erupt from my lungs and into my head, breathing rapture. No thoughts, feelings, or emotions can penetrate the steadfast pulsing of my connected yoga. It is an exhilarating, comforting rapture. I see myself, a tree, completely linked into the perfect symmetry of nature. Awestruck, the connection is complete. I am part of this. How can nature be so perfect without a guiding hand? How am I so sanctioned with nature without spiritual guidance? Another dimension is abstractly added to my being and the bliss is heightened into this dimension. Like a mathematical proof, or a five-thousand piece Charles Wysocki original puzzle, the pieces all fit together. I see myself for what I really am. I am one with the perfection in nature, a part of the whole. Just as the great oak tree is part of the whole, although the connection transcends tangible bounds. The creation of nature could not have been by purely natural means. It is thus intangible. No thoughts penetrate the yoga, only realization. I see my true Self, the pervading indwelling gift of life, the part of the whole that is perfection in nature. Knowing of my Self within is relieving, blissful, completely surprising. Until now, the concept has been foreign, but through constant practice in meditation and conscious breathing, ones mind can change. I am caught off-guard by the enormity and at the same time, simplicity, of the nature of the Self. It seems perfectly understandable and not. I know though, that there is a difference in seeing the Self and mastering it. Will it always be mine to use?
My next allocated conscious breathing period was different. I fully expected to go into my nature-induced trance with little effort, but I was incredibly wrong. My focus was limited and stress pierced my beautiful imaginary meadow. I have been tutoring so much that math problems were floating over the trees and the breathtaking perfection. How can I have an awareness of something before and lose it the next day? This complete focus is exhausting and difficult to call upon I guess.
I think to myself “in” … “out.” Absorb the essence of conscious breathing. I paint the picture of my secret meadow in my head. The giant trees, shrubs and small creek, it is perfect. Once again, symmetry in me aligns with that of nature. I see my Self, rapture consumes me, and perfection is all around. The aura of incredible tranquility surrounds me from the picture in my head. I am the complete yogin. Mind and body are void of everything, yet filled with everything. It is wondrous. Maybe I have found the Self for good.
The last 3 sessions of conscious breathing are back and forth. I can see my Self always, but not always can I consume it and become one with it. I definitely think it depends on how my day went and the power of my emotions that day. If I regret something that day, I usually am thrown off-focus, but I generally can keep a yogin nature on the majority. It is such a difficult task to be one with your Self at any period one wants. I commend anyone and everyone with the ability to keep such a clear consciousness and void of attachment to action. I kind of feel the same way when I play tennis. I start to lose when I let my emotions pierce my focus, but when I am a perfect yogin, not bound to the fruits of action, but just react when the ball is hit to me I react precisely. The metaphor of my tennis game almost mirrors that of a yogin. Maybe this will even help. However, I know that I have found something unique and comforting. I also find this exercise to help make me a better person. I may be more patient, or not really quick to react to something with annoyance or anger. I cannot control anything, just react to it. I can do my duty without worry as the human spirit lives on forever, for better or worse. It is truly remarkable what one may find inside of them if they just truly see, instead of looking anxiously.
“My belief in the Hindu scriptures does not require me to accept every word and every verse as divinely inspired. . . . I decline to be bound by any interpretation, however learned it may be, if it is repugnant to reason or moral sense” (Mohandas Ghandi).
I love this quote. It is the thing that matters most to me and I believe it is shown in the paper. I am not bound by anything that may have attributes of non-reason and non-moral sense. This is one of the most meaningful quotes I could ever find. Morality and reason is what must govern something and if part of a religion contains something contradicting morality or reason, one must discard that. I believe this is part of true knowledge and being a yogin. Morality and reason are different to everyone, but as human beings there must be common ground on some level. That is part of all religion, teaching everyone of proper morals and reason as a human being.
“He has no purpose at all in action, or in non-action, and he has no need of any being for any purpose whatsoever” (Chapter 3, Verse 18). Nature itself has no purpose in action, or in non-action. Nature is self-sustaining. The spirit that embodies nature is the same that embodies me. I have no purpose in action, or non-action. I may be self-sufficient. The only action I have is to react and be diligent in studies. My duty as a college student is to gain knowledge and become an impacting part of the adult society in some way. The quote is continued… “Therefore, constantly unattached, perform that action which is your duty. Indeed by performing action while unattached, man attains the Supreme” (Chapter 3, Verse 19). The duty that is being a student, while remaining unattached from action is the way to attain the Supreme. When in conscious breathing, if perfectly focused in yoga and perfection in nature, one may release themselves from action. It is not non-action, or action, but awareness of what may be your duty. Nature is the key for this.
“I am the pure fragrance in the Earth, and the brilliant in the fire, the life in all beings, and the austerity in ascetics” (Chapter 7, Verse 9). I cannot believe how this might be similar to my nature approach. The divine spirit is present everywhere, especially in nature. Fire, Earth, and people alike contain the indwelling spirit. The breathtaking beauty and symmetry in nature, the audacity and fuel of fire, the piety in the pious all share this common ancestor. Nature and man share this commonality. Yoga in nature and yoga in humankind are akin and if one can see that yoga in nature, one can see it in man.
“I am the self, Arjuna, abiding in the heat of all beings; and I am the beginning and the middle of beings and the end as well. Of the Adityas, I am Vishnu; of lights, the radiant sun; I am Marichi of the Maruts; among the heavenly bodies I am the moon” (Chapter 10, Verse 20&21). I believe that maybe Krishna is saying that he is nature; his divine presence is in the sun, moon, and the entire Earth. Krishna is also embodied in man. This is what I was saying in my paper, but perhaps in a different way. I cannot just use conscious breathing to look inside myself and see a spiritual ‘Self’ so I had to look to another place where I may see it. Nature is that one place. The perfection in nature, the symmetry, the profound complexity that is nature had to have been created by a perfect essence. No other way could nature have existed.
“Each man's death diminishes me, For I am involved in mankind. Therefore, send not to know For whom the bell tolls, It tolls for thee” (Donne). This is another quote that I believe pertains to a Hindu concept, and a concept apparent in my paper. John Donne is saying that what embodies him, embodies every man. A divine presence, for instance embodies every man. The only problem that I acknowledge with this quote is the idea of death(the bell tolls). However, I can still capture the Hindu relevance in this quote. Arjuna has the same beliefs as Donne, and without the knowledge of Sri Krishna, would not have fought and killed part of himself. This quote can help one begin to understand the likeness of all mankind and the synonymous applications in Hinduism.
Resources Quoted:
1.) Donne, John. "For whom the bell tolls." N.d. Poem
2.) Bhagavad Gita. Trans. Winthrop Sargeant. New York: State University of New York, 1994.