"Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against
the dying of the light" - Dylan Thomas
As I said on the first page, I am gay. It took me a long
time to come to terms with this, but I like to think I have adjusted pretty
well.
I guess the first time I started to realize I might be gay
was the summer just before I started high school. I realized that I wasn't really
looking at the girls on the beach, I was looking at the guys. It took me another
3 years before I was able to accept it. During that time, like most gay teenagers,
I attempted suicide. Twice. I believe that it was the internet that kept me
from trying a third time.
During my senior of High School, While I was at lakeland,
I started to surf the internet. During this time, I came across a gay chatroom.
When I went in, I was amazed by what I saw. We were all perfectly normal teenagers
in there, who just happened to like guys instead of girls.
In the summer of that year, I went to my first gay pride
parade. Again, I was amazed by what I saw. All of the people there were just
like me.
After I moved out of my parents house, I began to explore.
I started going out to clubs. I visited the gay section of folly beach. I had
finally found what I had been missing all of these years. I was finally happy.
I started attending the LGBU meetings at Kent State. Again,
I felt I had found a home there. By the end of the semester, I was the Communications
Director of the group. Eventually, I even became Executive Director. I am also
one of the founding fathers of the Delta Lambda Phi fraternity on campus.
The first person in my family I told was my step-mother. Well,
actually she told me. I had been wearing my pride necklace for nearly a year when
she finally asked me what it meant. I couldn't bring myself to tell her, she finally
had to ask if I was gay, and I just said yes. The next thing she said to me was "Can
I wear this shirt with these pants?"
The next person was my mother. I ended up telling her over Instant
Messenger. She has always accepted me. Actually, now instead of asking when I'm going
to find a nice woman and settle down, she wants to know when I'm going to find a nice man.
The last person to "know" was my father. I kept trying to drop hints to
him, but he just wasn't getting it. Finally, I had him come to see me when I was doing a dramatic
reading of "The Laramie Project." I figured if that doesn't force the issue, nothing will.
It's still not something that we have talked about. It's just kinda the big pink elephant
in the middle of the room.
For all of you out there that are questioning your sexuality,
please remember this: you are NOT alone. There have been millions before you,
and there will be millions after you. Though the road is long and winding, the
destination is well worth the trip. Please don't try to end your life like I
did. There is always a shoulder to cry on to get you through the tough times.